Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Zombie Diaries - You SUCK!


Yes, Zombie Diaries is fucking terrible. I put this picture of Zombie aka Zombi 2 aka Zombie Flesh Eaters up here to a) show you what a good zombie movie looks like, and b) show you what I gaze at in my living room every day as I sit on the couch. 

Anyway, Zombie is great - Zombie Diaries...fuck you! I cannot believe how bad this movie is. And, if it wasn't bad enough, it is also annoyingly similar to Romero's Diary of the Dead in both content and title, to the point where I started writing this blog referring to Diary of the Dead

I started watching this movie, excited and anticipating some kind of Cloverfield-esque zombie movie. Cool! No, not cool at all. Lots of bad acting, running around with a camcorder - and, by the way, apart from the first segment, there really isn't any clear reason why anyone is filming - and then an exasperatingly boring second half, finished off with a healthy dollop of shit, which, I'm sure, they like to call their "twist." I won't "ruin" the film for those of you who haven't seen it, but lets just say the film fairly quickly doesn't seem to focus on its subject matter. If there's one thing I hate, and I mean this sincerely, is a horror movie which feels that it is "above" a horror movie. As in, simply being a good horror movie is seemingly not intellectual enough, and they somehow have to lift the film above its murky genre.

To me, it really doesn't get any better than a damn good horror movie - intellectually, emotionally, everything-ally. I'm talking about the first time you saw Return of the Living Dead, with that grain of skepticism in your brain, because "most horror movies suck"; I'm talking about zombies fighting sharks; the gems that you pick up off the lower shelves of the Blockbuster with a shrug ("Eh, it might be ok") and then get home and find yourself watching someone getting cut in half vertically in the woods.  Ok, doesn't sound too intellectual, but I guess that depends on what you mean by "intellectual." All I know is that I think a hell of a lot more deeply watching the Night of the Living Dead remake (as in, Tom Savini 1990) than I do watching Lions For Lambs or whatever "political drama" has come out this week. 

And not just gore-art - a level of passionate commitment to their craft that I honestly don't see in other genres. I think back over my very favourite horror movies, and I honestly get a lump in my throat thinking about how clearly committed to the project those actors and directors were; a sincere love of the genre, and a belief in what they were doing.

So, in conclusion to my rant, Zombie Diaries - you fucking suck. 

Ok - back to my doctoral exams...

10 comments:

Voodoun Romance said...

Hey there,

Glad to see you've returned to the blog! Nice little review of Zombie Diary there -- I don't think I'll find a zombie film I enjoy more than Zombie Flesh Eaters. I love Fulci's zombies.

Gore-Gore Girl said...

Yeah, it's been a while. I'm writing my general exams for my PhD - which you write for 6 weeks - just a series of essays that you then have to go and defend in an oral exam - so it's a bit time-consuming and stressful. Not much time for blogging, but lots of writing about movies in a different capacity (not exactly suitable for a blog!).

Yes, Fulci's zombies kick ass. First time I watched Zombie Flesh Eaters, I fell asleep in a stoned haze towards the end, and then kinda woke up a bit while they were all coming out of the ground for the big finale. Deeply deeply traumatic. And fucking awesome.

Anonymous said...

Dumb review

Gore-Gore Girl said...

Thank you - I strive to be as dumb as possible. I can sleep easy tonight. x

Johnny 666 said...

Whats even worse is the filmmakers seem intent on shilling the fuck out of the IMDB page for their film, proclaiming it to be some kind of saviour of modern horror. The have about 20 accounts that constantly start threads saying how great it is. I flat out refuse to pay to see this pile of shite. It was probably one of the filmmakers calling your review dumb.

Gore-Gore Girl said...

Considering they are "anonymous," you might be right. I always see people accusing folks of being related to the film and posting on imdb - is that real? I saw those accusations on the board for Dance of the Dead - but I thought Dance of the Dead rocked. Truly awesome. Zombie Diaries though...anger-inducing to say the least...

B-Movie Becky said...

Thanks. I'll stay away from this one.

I'm there with you regarding the high-brow view of us low-brow, scholocky film lovers.

Gore-Gore Girl said...

Yes, indeed Becky - stay away. Unless, like me, you like to see bad films so you keep your head in the game. Zombie Diaries, however, simply isn't worth it.

As for high/low brow - I deal with that shit all the time. Any given positive comment can end with "...for a horror/porn/action movie." Drives me nuts...

The Bloody Pit of Horror said...

This movie was freaking terrible and the people who made it are some of the most annoying twats I've ever come across on IMDb. At one point they got all the negative reviews deleted, claiming they were "slanderous" and "illegal." Then when people complained to the admins about that and the reviews were restored they simply used their multiple accounts to push the bad reviews back with "not helpful" votes while leaving the good ones (99percent of which they liked wrote) at the front. Argh! Either way, their film sucks arse.

Gore-Gore Girl said...

I hear rumors about the guys behind this movie all the time. I never heard about the censoring thing though - that's nuts! In fact, I find it embarrassing. Why would you want to draw anymore attention to yourselves?

Anyway, yes, I concur - sucks arse.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails