Saturday, May 16, 2009

Nerd-Out Session: The Expendables (2010)

I'm still drooling over the prospect of Sylvester Stallone's upcoming movie, The Expendables, due out in 2010 - a movie with a concept that no true action nerd could resist: a team of washed-up mercenaries are sent on a suicide mission in South America, played by a team of washed-up (or soon to be washed-up) action heroes. It's a movie that follows The Wrestler's "old beaten up piece of meat" theme, which is fitting as Mickey Rourke is one of the leads.

So far, Stallone - writer, director, star - has recruited:

Jet Li
Mickey Rourke
Jason Statham
Dolph Lundgren
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Arnold Schwarzenegger (I'm sure this will be a cameo)
Eric Roberts
Danny Trejo
Randy Couture

Ok, so some of them are not oldies (or goodies), but I still think this is a pretty impressive cast. Jean Claude Van Damme turned the movie down because, according to him, Stallone wouldn't tell him what his character was. His loss.

Naturally, I have my own favorites I wish were included, and I'm definitely disappointed by the lack of female action heroes - the only woman cast in the movie is Brittany Murphy (!).

So, after a conversation with some close friends of mine, I have chosen the following as dream additions to the cast, and I look forward to yall's suggestions too...

Linda Hamilton
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper
Jean Claude Van Damme 
Sigourney Weaver
Kurt Russell (check this out)
Grace Jones
Brigitte Neilsen (I know, this is obviously a no-no...)

Bearing in mind the concept of the film, I would also add Brian Bosworth after seeing the life altering One Man's Justice (aka One Tough Bastard). I await the nerd fest...


T.L Bugg said...

Where to start? First of THe Boz. If you haven't seen him in Stone Cold then that is a must see.

As far as additions to the cast how about Michael Dudikoff a.k.a the American Ninja, the legendary Bolo Yeung, or Sonny Chiba for that matter. And I can't forget one of my favorites Rutger Hauer!

Aaron said...

No doubt, this movie looks too good to be true especially with Sly still somewhat fresh off the ultra-violent RAMBO. The group of actors he recruited for this movie is nothing short of amazing and I hope this turns out to be just a nasty fucking throwback to 80's over-the-top Action movies made to satisfy the genre fans.

As far as your dream cast, from what I understand, JCVD was actually approached to do the movie but declined for whatever reason. And while the addition of one Rowdy Roddy Piper would be the logical choice, he physically isn't what he used to be.

For my dream cast I'll definitely be getting back to you, but one name already comes to mind: The Dudikoff. Nuff said.

Gore-Gore Girl said...

Bugg: I am told Boz has a "monster mullet" in Stone Cold, which means I must see it as soon as possible. If it beats One Man's Justice, I'll be impressed. And Rutger Hauer is a fine suggestion.

Aaron: JCVD was indeed approached (see my post), as was Kurt Russell. Shame.

I, too, have hopes for a nostalgic action movie - funnily enough, the last time a wide release movie got close to that kind of feel was Pineapple Express.

Jeff said...

I never heard about this before until I read your post. Oh the potential this one has!

Scandy Tangerine Man said...

If only van Damme had just said yes...god, if only. I'm still holding out hope in my heart of hearts that Ted "Deadly Prey" Prior will be in this...somehow...somewhere.
I am counting on nothing less than pure '80s over the top extravagance.
And if more than one person is wearing Ray-Bans while blowing some shit up, I might just spontaneously combust right out my urethra.

Gore-Gore Girl said...

Scandy: Ha ha! Indeed. Yeah, from the interview I read I have to say JCVD sounded kinda crazy - I don't buy his story, and even if Stallone didn't tell him what his character was supposed to be, surely there was a reason for that (like the script wasn't finished or something). Either way, JCVD you missed out.

I'm also throwing Fred Ward out there - just a cameo, but I would like to see him nonetheless.

Jeff: Glad I have brought you into the fold. I haven't seen a movie generate this level of nerd buzz in a while - welcome aboard!

Tower Farm said...

As much as I like Van Damme, I can't say I am unhappy he's not aboard. Have you seen him lately? He is starting to look like Liza Minnelli.

My pick is Steven Seagal.


Gore-Gore Girl said...

Ha ha! Man, that's cold. Yeah, I saw him in JCVD and he looked old, but didn't think he looked too bad.

I've heard a couple of Seagal suggestions, and I have to say I'm not in favor. I'm sure I'll get flack for this, but I don't think he's quite up to par with the other cast members in the sense that he's kinda become a joke. Same reason I wouldn't want Chuck Norris on board.

T.L Bugg said...

I'd have to second that emotion on Segal. While he did have his time in the '80's, I was never really a fan. Chuck Norris I do enjoy, but lately he's become the second coming of Charlton Heston so he can suck a duck.

Johnny 666 said...

Yeah, I have the proverbial boner to see this one myself, but I wish they would scratch Jason Statham off the list. He is a twat, and i will never understand the love for him.

I would back TL Buggs request for Bolo Yeung, he could snap arses with the blink of an eye. Anyways, good to see you posting again!

Gore-Gore Girl said...

Bugg - glad you agree. Yes, indeed.

Johnny - glad to be back, though these absences are quite reliable, so I suppose I've always been "back" but routinely lazy. And I agree to some extent about Statham, but I also understand why they got him on board. I think he's on his way to the old-man-action-hero status and knows it, so is a kind of "on the cusp" persona. Or maybe I'm being too kind...

The Man With No Name said...


The Man With No Name said...

Oh crap sorry in your cast list you forgot international action super star Gary Daniels, who was in Rage and Blood Moon. ;)


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