Sunday, August 9, 2009

Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre (2005)

After the recent Stormy news, and having just watched her outstanding new movie Operation Tropical Stormy, I decided to pour out a splash of my 40 and revisit what I consider the best movie she has made to date, not to mention possibly my favorite porn movie ever made (certainly in my Top 5). 

Co-written by Stormy Daniels, and directed by Jonathan Morgan, Powertool Massacre is still up there with the best comedy porn movies of all time, in my opinion, and one of the best horror parodies ever made, porn or otherwise. I saw this when it first came out in 2005, right at the beginning of my adventures in porn, and it was a life-altering moment. Not only did it open my eyes to the kind of adult filmmaking going on, but it introduced me to Stormy Daniels - a writer, director, and performer...and a woman. I really had no clue women were so involved in hardcore - like I said, I was a newbie, and my knowledge was based on mainstream perceptions (i.e. ignorance and sensationalism). 

Plot: A group of teens (all around 30-yrs-old...) - Stormy, jessica drake, Voodoo, Tommy Gunn, and Eric Masterson - are traveling in their van to a "Mettalicide" concert, when they run over a homeless drifter "not once, not twice, but three - possibly four - times!" After the drifter is certifiably dead, they tie the body to the roof of the van, planning on going to the cops. The van breaks down at Camp Cuddly Pines, located in the middle of some dark and creepy woods, they realize the body has disappeared (National Lampoon's Vacation...), and the gang split up: the guys go looking for the body, while the girls go looking for a pay phone. The girls bump into a creepy caretaker, and the three of them sit down by the campfire to hear some tales of the Camp Cuddly Pines killer who stalks the woods.

Powertool Massacre spoofs a whole host of horror movies (as well as a few other genre films, such as Aliens), which is lots of fun for horror fans, and manages to squeeze 10 sex scenes in along the two-and-a-half hour running time, which is pretty impressive. Even more impressive is the way the performers stay firmly in character throughout the sex scenes (aside from a couple of lukewarm numbers), especially the scene with Voodoo and his real-life wife Nicole Sheridan, who plays a "creepy well chick" (a la The Ring) to Voodoo's jock. The acting in general, in fact, is way above what you might expect from feature porn, especially when big budget fodder such as Pirates is being touted as the best of the industry. Now, I'm a fan of Pirates as much as the next person, but Powertool Massacre really takes the cake in every department.

The crowning achievement of this movie, however, is the script. Granted, the outstanding cast pull it off magnificently, but still, Stormy's script (co-written with Jonathan Morgan and August Warwick) is what shines throughout the movie. There are so many quotable lines from jocks Todd (Voodoo) and Josh (Tommy Gunn), American Beauty-esque nerd Rayford (Eric Masterson), who wields his camcorder throughout proceedings, cheerleader badgirl Meghan (jessica drake), and ditzy blonde Kirsten (Stormy), that it's a delight to watch over and over again. Most memorable for me is a scene in which Meghan tells Rayford he should go looking for Todd, seeing as he's the man. Rayford replies in his nerdy voice, "Hey Meghan, that's sexist. Didn't your feminist forefathers burn their bras and not shave their legs on the frontlines of equality so that I didn't have to be an alpha male neanderthal?" "Yeah," Meghan acidly replies, "but not so you could be a pussy." There are plenty more cracking exchanges such as this, and best of all, they tend to work by subverting and/or spoofing gendered horror conventions, and recognizable cliches. 

The kills are lacking, I'll admit, but considering this is a porn movie, I was still impressed by the blood-splatter even though I would not tolerate this kind of lack of weapon-body contact in a regular horror movie. That said, there are a few creative kills, and a neat obligatory scene where all the blood-drenched bodies fall out of the closet/door etc. 

All in all, I really can't recommend this enough, especially if you're a hybrid horror-porn fan. There's really nothing else like this out there, in terms of quality and talent, so if you have a spare thirty bucks, you won't be wasting it by adding this to your collection. 

10 comments:

J. Astro said...

hehehe - my favorite part of this one is when Randy Spears is fighting with the raccoon, and they both stop and look at the camera for a sec, and then go back to fighting. Classic!

Gore-Gore Girl said...

Ha - yeah, that raccoon sure sticks in the memory, and Randy is a legend, even if he is a bit "noisy"...

My other favorite part is when Todd makes fun of Rayford, saying he's making a "dorkumentary." Rayford says a dorkumentary is something Todd would make, and he says, "No, that would be a jockumentary, and would totally kick your ass! Burned!!" Oh man, I laughed my ass off. I love Voodoo (shame he looks all cracked out these days).

J. Astro said...

I also like the token appearance of ol' man Mike Horner, and I'm pretty glad they didn't feel the need for him to bust his wood out. It was nice to see him in a little cameo, though. Ever since CCPTM I've begun to think of Mike Horner as the "Donald Pleasence of Porn".

Gore-Gore Girl said...

Totally - every time there's a cameo in any porno I always wonder if they're going to put them in a sex scene. I think Nina Hartley is the only veteran I would want to see in the sex scenes still. And Veronica Hart.

So, if Mike Horner is the Donald Pleasance of Porn, who is Nina?

J. Astro said...

She's the "Janet Leigh of porn"... ;)

CrazySexyMetalChick! said...

Haha!!! This one sounds way too good to miss! Thanks!

Gore-Gore Girl said...

Astro: That is fucking perfect! You're pretty good at this!

CSMC: You have to see this movie - if you were my neighbor, I'd lend my signed copy to you.

Stephen said...

Have you seen "Dark Angels" from New Sensations? I like it quite a bit (Dark Angels 2 less so). It suffers from the usual limitations of adult films, but rises above them more than most attempts in the genre. It's a little bloodier than your average vampire porn.

Gore-Gore Girl said...

No, I haven't caught that one yet, though I was recently doing a piece of work in which Dark Angels 2 came up, so I'm aware of the series. I will have to check it out - thanks for the recommendation!

Geof said...

Definitely top 5 for me! Horror parody porno with Stormy, Jessica Drake and Nicolette Sheridan as a hot version of Samara. This is a perfect formula. Glad you did a review on this and I am also sad about the Stormy news too.

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