Monday, May 25, 2009

This Ain't Happy Days Ain't Shit


Sigh. I wonder if these television porn parodies are going to continue on this downward spiral? I was pretty excited about this XXX parody of Happy Days, but I turned it off after about 20 minutes. Hence, this review will be rather brief, and I won't bother with a plot overview, seeing as I didn't get that far. Call me picky, but I have certain standards regarding sound recording quality, even with my porn movies. This Ain't Happy Days was unwatchable, partly due to very amateurish set design/production values, but primarily due to the poor sound. I couldn't make out what the characters were saying half the time, and the laughter track was not authentic-sounding (something that really added a lot to the excellent Not The Bradys, Not The Munsters, and Not Bewitched). I have found that the authenticity of the parody, in terms of looking, sounding, and feeling like the original show will make or break its success - a rather obvious statement, perhaps, but one worth making in light of huge disappointments such as this. I am still hopeful for Not The Cosby's, especially as there is a stark lack of such feature-type roles for black actors and actresses in the adult industry. I'm very excited to see Jada Fire in the upcoming Star Trek parody, and Not The Cosby's will provide further opportunities of this kind. Nevertheless, it's still disappointing that black actors only seem to get cast in features when the source material is such that a black actor is positively required. The last time I can remember seeing a black actor in a feature was Deep Threat in 2008's The Accidental Hooker (a great film). I'm sure there are more, but considering how much black talent is out there, it's clearly imbalanced. I won't go into the more blatant racism that goes on in the adult industry...

Ultimately, This Ain't Happy Days felt like an amateur stage play, with a laughter track composed of five friends standing behind the camera laughing as loudly as possible. Weak.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Nerd-Out Session: The Expendables (2010)


I'm still drooling over the prospect of Sylvester Stallone's upcoming movie, The Expendables, due out in 2010 - a movie with a concept that no true action nerd could resist: a team of washed-up mercenaries are sent on a suicide mission in South America, played by a team of washed-up (or soon to be washed-up) action heroes. It's a movie that follows The Wrestler's "old beaten up piece of meat" theme, which is fitting as Mickey Rourke is one of the leads.

So far, Stallone - writer, director, star - has recruited:

Jet Li
Mickey Rourke
Jason Statham
Dolph Lundgren
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Arnold Schwarzenegger (I'm sure this will be a cameo)
Eric Roberts
Danny Trejo
Randy Couture

Ok, so some of them are not oldies (or goodies), but I still think this is a pretty impressive cast. Jean Claude Van Damme turned the movie down because, according to him, Stallone wouldn't tell him what his character was. His loss.

Naturally, I have my own favorites I wish were included, and I'm definitely disappointed by the lack of female action heroes - the only woman cast in the movie is Brittany Murphy (!).

So, after a conversation with some close friends of mine, I have chosen the following as dream additions to the cast, and I look forward to yall's suggestions too...

Linda Hamilton
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper
Jean Claude Van Damme 
Sigourney Weaver
Kurt Russell (check this out)
Grace Jones
Brigitte Neilsen (I know, this is obviously a no-no...)

Bearing in mind the concept of the film, I would also add Brian Bosworth after seeing the life altering One Man's Justice (aka One Tough Bastard). I await the nerd fest...

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